abstract gay.

here's a little background information on this picture. this is actually a true story:

back in the spring of 1997 (when i was still living in new york) i decided to adopt a lizard (never found out what type of lizard it was, the previous owner just wanted to get rid of it as quickly as possible). so i took it home and threw it in a fish tank i had lying around that also happened to be housing my pet tortoise, freddie. i named the lizard mercury in tribute to the late freddie mercury. i dumped in some flies for mercury and some lettuce for freddie, then left the room to attend to my door which had been knocked on.

at the door was my feng shui consultant, he was early, but cute, so i happily let him in. his name was ken, i offered him some green tea while we sat and discussed the chi or lack of in my apartment. it was a delightful conversation, and we eventually hooked up later that year. turns out ken was a massive dick (in more ways than one), so it didnt really work out -- because of his attitude, that is.

anyway, after our conversation about the feng shui of my room, ken mapped out a good design and asked me what a good date would be for when he would come over and help me arrange the furniture in his layout. we agreed on a date later in the week and i saw him off to his car.

as i began my way back to my apartment which is all the way up on the 32nd floor, i ran into an old friend of mine. her name has left my memory, but her scent has unfortunately not. at that time, i hadnt seen her in at least seven years, she had grown to be quite the ogreish woman, i can tell you that. the smell from her... natural musk was the only thing that overpowered her "jagged" features. she panted in my direction with a "hi bill!" at 300+ pounds, it was no wonder she was panting, but i digress. i responded with the typical pleasantries, we had a generic "what have you been up to?" conversation for what seemed like many painful hours but turned out to be about 10 minutes. as i noticed she grew tired of moving her mouth for something that didnt involve eating, i slowly slithered my way to the elevator. after forcing the rapport to cease by making it clear that i had better things to do than talk to her, we exchanged our final goodbyes. that would be the last time i would ever see her again (thankfully!)

so i took the elevator upward to the 32nd floor. usually i would brave the stairs for my exercise, but i took any opportunity i could in order to get away from that hulking beast on the ground floor. anyway, i made it up to the 32nd floor, unlocked and opened my door, took my sandals off, took my socks off, took my fedora and trench coat off and proceeded to the little boy's room. i had about 5 tacos for lunch and i cant really recall for how long i was on the john. all i can remember was i probably passed out.

after i was finished on the toilet, i made my way to the fish tank to see what mercury was doing. as i turned the corner, i could clearly see my tortoise, freddie, laying his thick meaty cock up mercury's buttocks. at first i was in complete shock: i never would have guessed animals could be THIS gay, not to mention it was interspecies intercourse! my shock soon turned to pride and my heart warmed to see my two reptiles enjoying each other's company. well, mercury seemed discomforted, but i think he got used to it after the 3rd or 4th time it happened (that i was able to witness).

that's the backstory behind this image. 1997 was a great year for me. what were you doing in 1997?

by the way: freddie mercury, the famous singer for queen, just so happened to be a homosexual as everyone knows, so the name turned out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy....